On Cast Iron Pans and Personal Growth ...

When I was first married, I was the proud owner of new pots and pans, among them, one cast iron pan. Having gone from single life - on the go, not much time spent cooking - to attemping to be more domestic, I would take that pan out from time to time. It was soooo heavy, and so hard to clean. I did not know it was "different" from my other pans. Eventually, it and its rust were put out in the shed, to be used when the children make their mud pies.

Today, I was cleaning my new cast iron pan, one I procurred a few months ago, after having researched the dangers of ingesting the chips I was finding flaking off my non-stick cook-ware. I was marveling over the change in me as I cleaned the last remnants of sauce from my pan. I did not mind the cleaning of the pan. I did not flinch when I remembered I had to get to the cleaning before resting, or run the risk of rust. I took pleasure in the meal I had just made, with the better cast iron material, avoiding having toxic materials served as a course alongside the lasagna. I was actually admiring the way the skillet has already aged a bit, how it cleans so easily because I have learned to care for it, to properly dry it, to ready it for its next use.

The deliberateness in caring for that pan is something I have grown into, something that did not fit me in my younger years. I was too busy, too distractable, too unwilling. Now, I want to tend to the pan, and the children, and any other things in my life that need care, and attention, and time with more than an obligatory passing swipe of the sponge. Things worth caring about take deliberateness. Oh that I had a cast iron pan earlier in my life, and was taught how to properly tend to it. Perhaps I would have loosened the shackels of selfishness and want even sooner.

Then ...

One year ago, there was a family waiting for a baby ...

This baby, to be precise. But this baby was sick - again - with Necrotizing Enterocolitis, an illness as horrible as it sounds.

This little girl was 5 1/2 months old, and weighed a mere 6 lbs. 2 oz. She was emaciated, because, each time the nasty NEC reared its ugly head, the docs took away her food. Her face was compressed from the pressure of the ventilator, which was a presence in her life for many, many months. She was so lethargic from lack of calories that she could barely open her eyes, and could not hold her head up. And, boy, was she yellow. An ugly yellow, like a jar of Gulden's Mustard had spilled and, as it dried, crusted over her body. Her liver was severely damaged, perhaps beyond repair, some surmissed. Her intestines? Who knew. There was no definitive way to know unless we agreed to have the surgeons take them out, place them on a table, and take a closer look. But, that, of course, was no guarantee of anything, since the surgeons could not see inside the walls, where the damage would most likely be found.

So the little girl lay in the hospital, far, far away from her mommy. She was tied to a pole, tubes in her chest, buzzers going off around her, other little ones with other illnesses lay sick - some dying - around her. And the docs, well, some of the docs, were not too kind about her prognosis. "Swiss cheese for brains" is one of my personal favorites. Talk about bed-side manners.

But, at a home far, far away, there was a team of therapists ...

... including the bold and the beautiful,

the long-snouted, always elicits a shout of joy from the baby, mascot #1 ...

the I-do-not-know-what-it-is-but-she-loves-it mascot #2 ...

the bold (again) and the teacher/dancer who delights her sister with her mere presence ...


and the serious but loving older brother ...

They were waiting for a chance to shower their sister with love and devotion, and never complained or whined or cried out that none of this was fair, and they wanted to get back to their regular lives ... never ... not once.

And now ...

... Emma thrives. And I am happy to report, there is no evidence of swiss cheese - except that which she likes to eat ... on crackers, nonetheless!

A Nook, a Book ... and an Epiphany ...

My beautiful and generous children presented me with this little beauty for my birthday - a Nook. 'Cause I really like to read. And it is very nice. But it has made me ponder the need for a gadget that holds 1500 titles. It is sort of like the Wal-Mart of libraries. Sure, I can go to Wal-Mart and get great prices on things I really do not need ... And that is the part that has me feeling pretty guilty inside.

I do not need 1500 books on an electronic gadget that eats up my time with trying to figure out how to get 1500 books on this little gadget. I have already wasted valuable time playing with the thing. It is cute and there are literally thousands of free titles on the internet - sites such as Ambleside Online, that I reference for extra lit and historical titles throughout our school year, have a plethora of books available for immediate download.

I have decided not to fill this device up unnecessarily like a pantry cupboard that overflows with food no one will ever eat. Rather, I will find a few treasures at a time, and let the children read at their will. I never have to coerce my kids to pick up a book, and we never leave the house without a tome in each person's hands. So this will just be an addendum to an already full, literature-loving life for all of us.

I also need to add that I could never give up the priceless volumes I have acquired during my journey as a home-schooling mom. There are books so integral to my growth as an educator, as a parent, and as a person that I could never not feel the weight of that voluminous manual in my hands again -

The Holy Bible, The Well-Trained Mind, Honey for a Child's Heart, Harp and Laurel Wreath, Trial and Triumph, Home Improvements for Dummies ... the list goes on and on. It is these that leave my shelves to overflowing, to list from side-to-side with an anxiety-provoking creak. They deserve to be read and re-read, in true form, not digital. They represent a growth in character, as they have educated me in a way the public school system did not, and will allow me to educate my children in much better fashion than if I had not read them.

I do not want to imagine a world without books - real books, with dusty, torn covers, pages slightly askew from loosening from the binding, a spine that no longer creaks but rather helps you open to a favorite, much perused passage. No digital device could ever replace that experience, that tangible quality of a well-loved book. So I am grateful to my children for taking their birthday/holiday/tooth-fairy/left-over change-that-Mom-let-them-keep monies and pooling them for this sweet gift. I not only received the Nook, but also a lesson in what is really important to me.

Sunday Outing #2 ...

After a week off from academics, of purging, deep cleaning, and rearranging the home, and adding yet another therapist to Emma's retinue, we took advantage of the glorious fall weather to participate in the area's "Open Farms" tours. We were able to visit three of the 29 farms during the four hours they were open today. It was a beautiful day, and it was interesting to see the farms that inhabit our area, tucked away in their little niches in the mountains. Only one was a disappointment, specifically because we drove quite some distance to traverse the corn maze, only to find the cost so prohibitive that we only took some pictures and drove away. Really, $8.50 to walk through a maze? The kids and I decided to put on Emma's eye patches and try to find our way around our home.

These are the grounds of the gold-encrusted corn maze. Quite beautiful - had me singing The hills are alive ...

A hay-bale slide

A gratuitous cute baby photo

A really big goat - really big

A really little goat - and sooo cute

Alpacas - in Pennsylvania? Yes. Abandoned, nonetheless. This farm is staffed by volunteers, and they care for abandoned, abused, and neglected animals. One of these alpacas had a tooth that was growing out of its mouth, and was slated to be slaughtered. They saved the animal.

This horse belonged to an Amish farmer who worked the poor thing to near-death. If you zoom in, you can see the welts on its body. It barely moves, due to its feet and legs being so damaged from abuse. The vet on staff has determined it is not in too much pain, so it will continue to live out its life on this farm.

My little guys taking a donkey-cart ride. I'm not sure about the history of this pair of animals - the donkeys, of course, not the kids.

The weather was gorgeous, a bit windy but not a biting wind, and the autumn colors were amazing. Fall is just a wonderful time for outings, in my opinion. Why wait in long lines, sweltering under a blazing summer sun, lotion drip-drip-dripping in your eyes? I'd rather be indoors when the temperatures rise above 85. I feel so blessed to live in such a beautiful part of the world, and this time of year just brings all the beauty rushing to the surface ...

Sunday Outing ...

The kids and I went to Hawk Mountain on Sunday. It was a beautiful day for a hike in the mountains. The trails were a bit difficult to navigate, especially with a baby stroller, but the kids enjoyed themselves. I gave them the camera, and they really did a great job capturing the vistas.

I love this shot. Something about this stranger's silhouette against the view ...

She is just too cool.