Something's Still Missing ...

Perhaps I misspoke when I attributed my funk to simply not celebrating the season in the right manner. Perhaps I am going through some existential crisis, one more penetrating than in years past. For this one did not simply descend upon me in the post-celebration hours, after the wrapping on the last present had been torn open and the requisite, "Ooh" 's has been spoken. Rather this one has been lingering for well over a month now - a deep, persistent, dark mood, in which thoughts concerning aging parents, children growing both up and away from me, a world that confounds me at times, and other meandering thoughts pervade my stream of consciousness. The therapist in me might attribute it to a depression of sorts, but the realist in me eschews such labels. For my thoughts, while dark, are actually valid concerns, not at all outlandish or unrealistic. This season of celebration and joy has compounded the problem, as I no longer wish to defend the "Christ" in Christmas as belonging to the actual Christ. The commercialism of the holiday, and reading about the actual pagan roots of the celebration, have all but depleted me of any desire to do battle with secular critics who want the world to simply be about their here and now. Let them have their belief system - or their non-belief system. I have discovered how truly unfulfilling a faith centered around a single day of celebration can be. I need more - I know there can be more. A feeling of being uplifted by the spirit of faith can transcend the emptiness that fills the air, as the last carols of the season fade into the distance, and the last ribbon from the final gift is undone and discarded.



I reached for a book from my shelves this afternoon, looking to immerse myself in a piece of literature, a joy I have not indulged in for many weeks now. The book that my fingers came to rest upon was Mere Christianity, by C.S. Lewis. I have only discovered Lewis in my adulthood, another unfortunate failure of my education. By the first few paragraphs of the preface, I knew I was being led to this book, much as we need to hear from a friend when we are down, or receive a bit of welcome news just at the moment all looks so terribly bleak.

'...be assured that God is well aware of "what a wretched machine

you are trying to drive", and asks only that

you "keep on, doing the best you can" ' ...

Something's Been Missing ...

And, although I could not put my finger on it, it had left enough of a void so as to dampen my Christmas spirit. But today... today I found it - THE MUSIC!!! I had not been filling the house with Christmas tunes. The stereo had been moved to the lower level, and we have been congregating near the space heater. (Electric heat - blah!!!). While perusing blogs, I was led to some YOUtube videos featuring Christmas music - and they were inspirational. Young or old, inner city kids or some prep school group, A Capella or the full-frontal assault of Trans-Siberian Orchestra - it is just so beautiful. My new favorite? Straight No Chaser. Wonderful, just wonderful. So it wasn't an existential crisis about the true meaning of Christmas being thwarted by modern-day, humanism-induced, societal pressure to promote the merits of commercialism, devoid of any spiritual significance. Boy, that's a relief. Now, go listen to something that lifts your soul to the Heavens and allows it to fly. Merry Christmas!

A Moment, Please ...

Can I just say .... Core 5 ... Ambleside Online ... combine them all ...keep them separate ... change math curriculum ... World Geography ... World Cultures ... Human Anatomy & Physiology ... multi-level ....individual plans ... free resources ... save my sanity ... buy the IGs ...ring Christmas bells ...

AHGGGGGGGG!!!

That is all.

Weekly Report, December 19

December's scheduled studies are done!

Bible - check

Latin - check

Math - check

Grammar - check

Science - check

History - check

Reading, reading, and some more reading - check

Fine Arts - yeah, there was some

I'm satisfied. Have a wonderful holiday - whatever that may mean for you and your family.

Draw Squad Earns Its Place ...

Sometime in September or so, Drawing with Children began to wear me down. It was definitely not pick-me-up-and-go. And I was out of ideas on how to proceed. Now, please don't misunderstand - what it does, it does well. But I felt it was limited in its scope. So we made the switch to Draw Squad. And we could not be happier! These are some of the drawings the kids worked on yesterday. They tend to just pick up where they left off, and never need any help - a big plus.

After wrestling with Blogger over my preferred formatting of this post, I am relegated to a post-script in order to give credit to the artists. The first and last pictures were completed by my 10-year-old, the second one by my 7 yo and the comic-strip types by my 9 yo.

At a Safe Distance ...

We spent the morning listening to "At the Back of the North Wind", and working on Draw Squad projects. I also made pizza and chocolate chip oatmeal cookies, while the little ones watched Leave It to Beaver on NetFlix. And now, while I nurse my two fingers that I happened to burn while removing the warm cookies from the still-very-hot baking sheet, I took some time to visit some of the blogs that I only allow myself once in a while. These are the blogs where there has been a loss - namely the loss of a child. And the hurt is there, despite the time that has lapsed. And the hurt is deep, and tangible, and painful to the reader. Yet, I visit because I need to - and because I hope to sense that there is healing going on, while at the same time I wonder how one can ever heal from such a wound. And from a safe distance, I am almost grateful it is them - the stranger in internet-space - and not me, although I know it could, and does, happen to anyone. I want to ask them how they go on, how they get up in the morning after the first fog of sleepiness lifts, and the reality - all too new and fresh - once again hits. I want to ask them how they manage to shake the dreams in which the child is so real, so alive. I want to ask - but I do not. But while I do not, I want to say to those Moms, I am so sorry for your loss and your pain - and the stories of your children's lives have touched me deeply. Thank you for sharing, because in that sharing has come a renewed sense of how truly blessed I am. And when I kiss my children tonight, and tuck them in, I will be thinking of you, and the child you once held, and kissed goodnight. And then I will give my little one yet another kiss in memory of your little one.

Weekly Report, December 12

With one week to go before our Christmas Break, the kiddies are working hard. I gave them a schedule for the entire three weeks of December, so they know what is expected of them. The older twin is working ahead, as usual. I know her pretty little head is filled with the notion of completing all her work by next Wednesday, and extending her vacation by a few days. As long as her work retains the quality of excellence that I have come to expect from her, I do not care if it takes her three days - or three weeks. Well, that is a bit of an exaggeration, but I think you get the point. On the other hand, I have the younger twin who aims for three weeks - leaving all to the last minute. Must be nice to be able to not feel pressured.



Here is the run-down of the highlights of our academic achievements this week:



In Latin, the oldest twin and I began Lesson 4 in Lively Latin. We are meshing this with a repeat of Latina Christiana I, in which we are on Lesson 6. The vocabulary and grammar review is really going well, and she is breezing through the exercises. Also, and more importantly for what I have defined as the goal of our Latin studies, the derivatives are coming to her more easily. Last year, the derivatives were a stretch, especially during the Ludere exercises, which are very ambiguous. I know Memoria Press schedules LCII over a period of 1 1/2 years, but I think she is getting more from a repeat of LCI, laying down a stronger foundation for later Latin study. Since I have not decided on her Latin studies for junior high yet, (Latin in the Christian Trivium looks very enticing to me), I am comfortable not rushing her at this level. I am much less inclined to rush through any program now - only nine years later in this journey. I had to learn, through teaching subjects like Latin, and reading about the teachings of Charlotte Mason, as well as studying resources like Ambleside On-line, how to slowly digest information, savoring it like a fine wine, swirling it around, allowing only little bits so as not to overwhelm the taster. This approach has made a significant difference in our studies and the retention of the material. Multum non multa - perhaps the most significant words I have ever read concerning home-schooling, and life. Thank you, Andrew Campbell!

I would like to add a bit here about Lively Latin. When I first purchased this, I was looking for a change from LC. The videos were driving me mad. I alternated between dozing off and yelling at the kids for making fun of the (occasional) stuttering of the teacher. I did not really "get" Lively Latin, at first. It was hard for me to plan, because I did not have an actual book in hand. Reading the lesson directly off the computer is hard for me. And printing the teacher's lesson is cost-prohibitive. The layout of the lessons was so different from LC. I was confused as to what was being taught. It has taken a few false starts, and a few months of shying away from Latin, to bring me to realizing that LL 's strength lies in grammar, a weakness in LC, in my opinion. And LC is strong in vocabulary. So, the meshing of the two has worked very well for us. Utilizing Ludere has helped bring it all together in a very purposeful manner.

In math, we have been using the Teaching Company's Basic Math videos to supplement our study of fractions. Even my little guy got in on the lesson, explaining to me that if you have two-thirds and take away one piece, you will only be left with one. Sometimes he comes up with answers at the least expected moment. It is a little freaky! Watching the video and doing some supplementary worksheets has worked well. The Older Twin also did four lessons in her Rod & Staff 7 book, all focusing on units of measure - time & time zones, length, area, volume, etc. I am still at a loss as to what text to use with the Younger Twin. Switching publishers is more difficult than I imagined. We are doing math each day, just without a text as a spine. I feel time spent reviewing basic operations at a lower level is working well with this particular child, simply because he is not motivated. The Bear is almost done with Singapore 1B, and Rod & Staff 1. This combination has worked so well with her. Singapore does well with the mental math, and Rod & Staff has really helped with daily drill of math facts. I am a bit concerned with how teacher-intensive Singapore is, as we approach level 2. But I know it will be worth the effort.

The Twins, Little Bear, and Rocky listened as I read The Story Book of Science. From our readings, we learned about ants, and we did some research using United Streaming and the encyclopedia. The idea of ants as milk maids and lice as cows was fascinating to them. United Streaming has quite possible been the best investment of the year. (The exception being the time I wanted to watch a modern-day interpretation of Twelfth Night - when I have some time, I will share that with you.) I turn to it frequently to supplement our studies. (Video supplementation has come a long was since the infrequent and oftentimes boring supplementation of the projectors of my school days.) Surprisingly, the Older Twin requested that we continue with Real Science- Chemistry. She loves it! (Her words.) She even loves the philosophy and history supplements. So, onward we go. We covered Chapter 2, and she was thrilled (thrilled!!!) when we came upon the activity that required her to create her own planet out of candy. Fifteen minutes later, she had designed a planet made out of candy, with its inhabitants made up of lollipop heads, licorice hair, and twizzler limbs. The water was syrupy, the animals edible gummi bears, and the clouds made of cotton candy. She even wrote about the planet, in rhyme!

"Turn the page to see
All the happiness there could be

If we lived on a world
Made of candy"

We did a read-aloud from SL - My Father's Dragon. I am doing my best to make sure Rocky and Little Bear are not deprived of some of the books I already read to the Twins. The Twins really do enjoy hearing them again, and have not complained at all.

Of course, we covered the basics, such as vocabulary, spelling, and art. Music is mostly Christmas-related. And, I think this has certainly been long enough. So, if you read this far, thank you. And enjoy your weekend!

Developmental Milestones, The State versus ... Me

Are you the type to do something just because it is allowed? What I mean is, do you think about whether or not something is desirable for your family, even necessary, or do you just go forth and do because, well, hey, everyone is doing it? Today, my brother offered to teach my son to drive because, well, he is now 17. And in this state, at 16 you may obtain a learner's permit. Now, while I do appreciate the offer, I felt a bit defensive in that I have thought long and hard about my son's readiness for this responsibility. Let me first say, in my opinion, 16-year-olds are too immature and irresponsible by nature to drive. Cell phones, radios, and friends - as well as a lack of appreciation for the privilege of being entrusted to guide a multi-ton vehicle through the streets of a community - compound my concerns. But I do not make the laws. However, for my family, I do. So, I decided to hold off on this particular right-of-passage until I saw signs of maturity elsewhere in his life. Now this son is quite mature is some regards. And yet there are qualities that are lacking. I do not feel he is focused enough, in a general sense. Just by virtue of his attaining some magic number as stipulated by the Department of Motor Vehicles, my apprehensions have not disappeared. My concerns over this particular privilege taking precedence in his life - at a time when he needs to focus on academics and preparing himself for life beyond high school - I believe are valid. Yes, he will need to learn how to drive. And, yes, that is part of the preparation for life. But, for now, it is not a necessity. And just because the law says "It's time", does not mean Mom says, "It's the right time". Goodness, if I lived my life based on the need to be one of the masses - living by the schedule as dictated by teachers' unions, the PTA, or "the experts" one can see on T.V., all of whom, of course, know what is best for each one of us -I most certainly would not be homeschooling. Nor would I teach my children Latin, eschew television, or be living on one income in a modest house. Keeping up with the Jones is not the game plan I have for my life. I do not care what the Jones' are doing. Decisions for myself and my family are not made lightly - a burden that, at times, makes life a bit more difficult, but does have its rewards.



Tonight, the twins made up a play in which they appear to be arguing in a foreign tongue, but are really reciting the Pater Noster. It was quite amusing, very entertaining, and ... well, odd. But only because I still have the voices of ghosts from my past, labeling me as odd and unusual, the non-conformist who only felt weird when she tried to fit in. So I let them be weird, I encourage their unusual ways, and congratulate them on their unique perspectives. And, as I get older, I am more comfortable with not making decisions just because it is the acceptable way of doing things. It has taken me almost forty years, but I finally realize a party of one can still enjoy the show.

I Do Not Play Favorites ...

I do have five kids. And I do try to be consistent with discipline and my interactions with them. Their personalities, however, tend to require individualized treatment plans. There are some character traits that require ... eh, shall we just say, some honing. But I honestly strive to be fair and consistent. However, when I look into the face of my youngest, something in me goes to mush. Somewhere, deep inside, I actually ache. My husband says my eyes swirl in their sockets and I am transfixed by this little guy. But I just think it has something to do with him being the last of the babies, and my attempt to relish his littleness while he is still ... little!

I cannot imagine looking into a face such as his and NOT believing in God. He personifies perfection. He is beautiful, and sweet, and kind, ... and just a wee bit naughty. And he loves me sooooo much - "one hundwed, milwion, milwion, twenty-eight three thousand" was the exact count last night. And when he grows up, he either wants to be a policeman - 'cause they get to drive fast and give people tickets - or he wants to work at Target to get a discount on Pokemon cards. You got to admit, the boy has aspirations! So, while I do not play favorites, right now, secretly, he is the one who melts me the most.

P.S. If you click on the picture, he is almost life-sized. And you can see his big, blue eyes ... And his little cheeks ... Oh, and how his hair ... Forgive me!!!

Weekly Report

With three weeks planned before Christmas, I need to do this weekly report to assure myself that we are moving forward. We began our study of the history of Christmas, using History Scribe's The History of Christmas. We are using it very loosely, and ended up on the History Channel, watching a series of videos detailing some of the history of the secular holiday.

My 7-year-old began Rod & Staff Spelling this week, and she loves it. She is almost finished with ETC 3, and will begin division in her Singapore 1B text. She has worked her way through the Rod & Staff math workbook independently, and has made progress with multiplication. She is filling out a blank multiplication table up to the 12s two or three times a week, and is doing really well with it. I also have her using the abacus and some rods to help with multiplication. She reports that math is her favorite subject.

The younger twin absolutely dreads Saxon Math. I found an A Beka worktext from his sister, and I am using it while I decide if I want to change him to another program. He is doing well on his tests, but he does not like writing out the problems on a separate sheet of paper. I vacillate as to whether or not this presents a real problem, or it is just laziness on his part. I need to remember that the goal is for him to learn math, and not hate doing it.

The twins both touched on metric system measurements and conversions this week. They did very well with it. They also learned how to diagram direct objects. They completed their study of Taft's presidency, and we watched a United Streaming video on the Titanic. We also studied the Pacific Coast states, found a video on the Scrambled States, read The Hundred Dresses as our read-aloud, learned about Rachel Carson as our biography, and enjoyed As You Like It as our Shakespeare play for the month.

The older twin is continuing with chemistry, but I am questioning this decision on my part. It seems too heavy with all the supplements. I want her to enjoy science, and I do not think this is the way to go right now. I may buy some science kits and keep science light for the next year.

My oldest is working hard to finish this academic year so he can begin a new one - his senior year! The books have been ordered and received (you gotta love Rainbow Resources). I need to work on lesson plans. It will be a challenging year for him, including AP Biology and a world geography and cultures study. We will focus a great deal of time and effort on writing, an area in which I feel he needs improvement. He has finished math through Pre-Calc., and completed Consumer Math this year. I am not sure where to go with his math for the next year. I was thinking Business Math, or accounting - something "light" and practical.

Well, another week down, two to go, two off, and then a new year. Baby steps really add up, don't they? I mean, when you are just going through the daily grind, it can seem so tedious, and you can feel like you did not accomplish anything. But then you put it all together, and you realize another year has passed, the kids have grown physically and mentally- and emotionally - and you can feel good about the efforts everyone has put in to making it all happen. It is a team effort and it is working. Yay, team!!!

Lack of Deliberateness ...

I have been slacking off - in many areas. Keeping up with this blog, laundry, housework ... Yes, Thanksgiving and illness played a part. But, it goes deeper than that. This is usually my favorite time of year. Autumn's coolness is replaced by winter's deep freeze, ever so slowly at first, until it is so cold, you just cannot remember what it was like to feel warm. Yet the holiday season - not the shopping season - brings with it a warmth all its own. I love Thanksgiving. My family used to make it a priority to be together - even if it meant celebrating the Friday after the official holiday. That, however, began to change - until now the family holiday no longer resembles the earlier ones. My love for the holidays is now tinged with sadness, a sadness based on a loss. My children will never know the feeling of big family gatherings -the noise, the laughter, the ridiculousness of the conversations between the braggarts and the bigger braggarts, the general feeling of family beyond those with whom they live on a daily basis. In my own childhood, huge family gatherings became a thing of the past shortly after I was born. Grainy footage is all that remains of the gatherings that preceded my birth - homes overflowing with cousins, and presents, and food; aunts and uncles who knew their nieces and nephews by more than name, and were involved in their lives on a regular basis. Perhaps it was far from idyllic - the fact that it fell out of practice would indicate this. But it was still a period of time I have long wished to be part of, and have truly hoped would be part of my children's experience.

When the first chill of autumn fills the air, it sometimes comes as a shock. After all, it may have been seventy degrees just yesterday. It is not totally unexpected, however, as it is natural, part of the change of seasons. But when change comes to your family, and your family's way of life, and it happens gradually, over many years, as traditions are allowed to slide, or attention is not given to the deliberateness life requires in order for it to be ... good, and special, the shock may be much more deeply felt - and the natural order of things may be such that winter's freeze may never again be replaced by the warmth of spring.