Break Time ...

We are off this week. Technically, although we are not counting the week towards our school year, we are finishing up a few odds and ends. So, to me, we are off - to the kids, not so much. They really can't complain. A few math bits to solidify, a few pages to read, one grammar test to finish up a unit, and some Hamlet.

That which does not kill you, only makes you stronger, my children.

I have also been working on our schedules for the next six weeks. We will be returning to Latina Christiana, reviewing the first book and beginning the second. The Oldest Twin wants the structure of the video, workbook, and activity book. I have spent today reviewing the first book myself, making some notes, and wondering why we left. Oh, yeah, the little bothersome bit about me dozing off during the videos played a part in that decision. Really, it is a good, structured program. But, as I was reviewing it today, I wanted to be clear about my goals as to why we are pursuing this particular subject. While the grammar is interesting and reinforces what we are learning in our formal studies, and translation is fun, I want to emphasize roots and derivatives, and I feel that is a shortcoming of the program. But I have found this to be lacking in Lively Latin and Song School or ... oh, whatever other one I tried out. So I need to be more vigilant with this aspect of our studies, and make sure I add the emphasis which the program itself lacks. We may start up our Greek studies again, if I can find the time. Adding another area of study that just serves to compromise our core studies is not going to serve any purpose. Slowing things down, going into more depth is really reaping the rewards around here. Both of the twins scored in the high 90s on their grammar unit test, and their narratives in their respective history studies have blossomed.

If I had to pick one subject that has had the biggest impact on our studies it would have to be grammar. The twins have been with Rod & Staff for three years now, beginning with Book 3. They have really utilized the skills they are learning - in particular, this year, outlining - across the curriculum. I only schedule grammar three times a week, with two or three actual lessons and the supplementary worksheets. Most of the lessons are done orally. And, while I often look longingly at other grammar programs - ones with fancier books, a bit of spice to them - I realize, if it ain't broke, don't mess with it. I tried to jump into the R & S 9 book with my oldest in my earlier days of home-schooling, and it was impossible. So my goal is to bring these two along the path from the beginning. By Book 6, my understanding is that they will have more grammar than most high school graduates.

Well, back to the schedules and my Latin studies. I will leave you with a snippet of an Emma video. I was supposed to see her yesterday, but I felt unwell. Can't be too careful around her. (At least, that is what I say to console myself and ease my guilt. It doesn't work too well.) She is currently at 10 ml on her feeds, and weighs a whopping 6 lbs 5 1/2 oz. Go, Emma ... Go, Emma ... Now, to appreciate this video and its content, you must imagine having a child with whom you have had limited contact from the time of their birth - almost as though they have been in a coma, unable to respond to you. And slowly, over the course of many, many, many months, they begin to awaken and attain the many milestones your other children came to with ease. You just cannot imagine the way a simple interaction such as Emma displays here has made my heart soar with hope. I watch, rewatch, and then ... play it again. It is simply a miracle. She is simply a miracle. And if you want to put a price tag on that miracle, go right ahead. My question to you is, what are we developing all the new technologies for, if not for the attainment of these types of miracles? Allow smokers to sue tobacco manufacturers and continue to smoke, and then provide them with surgeries and drugs to combat the damage they have inflicted upon themselves. Let alcoholics drink themselves to the brink of death, and then give them a life-saving transplant. Allow motorcyclists the "right" to choose whether or not to wear a helmet, get mangled in an accident, and, after emergency personnel have finished cleaning their brains off the pavement, allow them to rehabilitate in expensive facilities so that they may one day feel the wind in their hair again. But, if you allow all that in the pursuit of the individual's right to choose for themselves, then do not tell me that the child born too soon - without any fault in that event - has no right to at least be given a chance at life.

Houston, We Have Contact ...

Eye contact, that is!!! And smiles. Big smiles, deliberate smiles, amazing toothless grins upon being spoken to. Today was a wonderful visit.

Bigger is Better ...

I received some good news tonight - Emma has reached six pounds! She is 6 lbs, 2 1/2 ounces, to be more precise. In less than one week, she has put on over 140 grams. The doctor reported to me that she was getting fat. That may not be true, but the weight is truly good news. If she will indeed need surgery, the bigger she is, the better she will fare.

Long Over-Due Weekly Review ...

I have not done a weekly report in a bit. So, to wrap up another 6-week session, here goes:

The Oldest Twin has completed 6 painful Latin translations in Ecce Romani. Suffice it to say she is not enjoying this text anymore. It did get quite ... tedious rather quickly. We are not giving up on it, but we will add Latina Christiana II back in, along with the Ludere activities, and our on-line reviews. I have had a difficult time procuring the teacher's manual for Ecce Romani, so trying to explain the grammar concepts without the guide was a bit of a challenge. I will be thankful for the break from my Latin homework for a bit.

Oldest Twin has also completed Math-U-See Zeta through Lesson 18, as well as Life of Fred: Decimals & Percents. She received a 100% on the Unit Test following Lesson 16 in MUS, so I feel good about our progress towards Algebra. I am trying to decide what program we will use next. I have already purchased Fred's Algebra book, having found it at a clearance price. I prefer this series as a supplement, though.

O.T. has completed her study of China, Mongolia, and Russia in her Eastern Hemisphere Studies from Sonlight. We supplemented with a lot of videos, and learned a good deal about the modern cultures of these countries. One of our favorite books, surprisingly, was Genghis Khan and the Mongol Horde. To take a murderous tyrant and make him into an interesting character study ... well, that takes some talent. Kudos to the author! I did add quite a few books to our literature selections, including Peter the Great, Story of the World, Child's History of the World, Window on the World, and the Edith Nesbit books, The Railway Children and The Book of Dragons. The last two have nothing to do with our geography/culture studies, but were nice reads. The others brought some more geographical information and/or historical perspective. I think you could make this course into a two-year study if you wanted to focus more on the historical aspects of each country. I am not trying to stretch it out as much as give it more historical dimension. Plus, my child is almost through with all the books, readers and read-alouds.

As for the Youngest Twin, we have finally, finally, finally found a math program that fits!!! After attempting Saxon, Math-U-See, MCP, MEP (available free on-line), Rod & Staff, and Singapore, we gave Christian Light Education's new Sunrise Edition a shot, and we have success. He loves the workbook format, the explanations are written directly to the student, and the amount of work is not overwhelming. The first unit was a review of the previous year, and brought him up to speed with their grade-level work. That is the difficult part of changing math programs - each publisher seems to approach grade-level work a bit differently. But he has found his niche and is enjoying math now. It was not a matter of not being able to do the work. It was just a matter of finding an approach - workbook format, not too cluttered in print, explanations clear, no switching back and forth between text and workbook and extra practice books - that felt comfortable to him.

Y.T.'s studies of Greece are going well. We are in Sparta now. He is doing well with the narrations I have added a la The Well-Trained Mind method. We have also been studying outlining in our grammar course, and I am requiring he work on honing that skill in his history studies. He is loving his biology studies, and especially enjoys telling me esoteric facts concerning sea life. The Sonlight Biology books include incredibly detailed, vivid pictures of sea creatures and amphibians, and reptiles, and ... icky things. Sometimes even my child has difficulty looking at the creature of the day. But it is interesting.

Youngest Twin has also continued his studies of Greek Myths. His knowledge of the Greek gods is excellent, and enables him to read books like Black Ships Before Troy with a bit more understanding of the basic plot and some of the action, especially when the gods and goddesses involve themselves in the war between Greece and Troy. As I read the book, I was glad I had been studying with him. I could not imagine understanding Black Ships ... without a good working knowledge of Greek mythology. This realization has me concerned about Oldest Twin's return to her study of the Ancients next academic year. While YT has a love of the classics, OT does not share that love. She much prefers the Sonlight literature selections. So, while I hold Omnibus I from Veritas Press lovingly in my hands, stroking the beautiful cover and longing to delve into its pages along with my oldest girl - who definitely has the brains for the challenge - she will not enjoy the journey. She is a Sonlight girl, through and through.

Back to our review: We studied Handel as our composer for a few weeks. Handel's Hallelulah Chorus is easily recognizable now. The children enjoyed listening to Hallelulah Handel from Classical Kids. We also worked on our classical music timeline. Group Art Appreciation has not happened for about two weeks, although the Oldest Twin continues her work in God and the History of Art, focusing on Rembrandt.

Little Bear continues to make headway in her work. She has almost completed her Rod & Staff math books for the year, as well as her spelling book. Her handwriting is beautiful in both cursive as well as print. She adores copywork, using the McGuffey Reader just for fun. Our science studies are going well, and she has learned quite a bit of world geography. She is able to label all the oceans, continents, and hemispheres, as well as major countries such as the USA, Russia, China, Japan, Australia and Canada, and knows about the equator and various weather patterns. After the new year, we will begin her third grade studies. I am not sure yet how we will proceed, but I am leaning toward a more WTM approach than Sonlight, simply because I do not see the maturity in my little guy necessary to bring him along in Little Bear's studies, and I do not have the time to utilize another entire SL core with this one student, in addition to all else. I still have time to decide.

Well, those are the highlights. Life goes on, we plod on, making the best of things. Hopefully, there is a field trip in our near future. Other than that ... onward we go.

How I spent My Birthday ...

After a drive to Philly to spend a few hours with my youngest, I came home to find my children had baked me a cake, from scratch. They used the internet to find a recipe, mixed it up themselves, baked it, and cleaned up.

Thanks, guys!

We Are Not in the Money ...

I am supposed to go to Philly tomorrow. So I posted the kids' "Math Problems a la Mom" tonight. Oldest Twin's problem: Tom's salary is $200,000 annually. He spends 24% on food, 16% on electricity and other utilities, 21% on car and related expenses, and 19% on housing. How much $ does he spend on each area of expenses, and how much money does he have left to pay his 20% in taxes? Well, the oldest twin saw the problem already written out and had two questions: One, is Tom the brother of Jim from the previous problem, and just what do those two do for a living???

The Wall of Education...

Today is a busy, emotionally charged day. The baby is to resume feeds, albeit verrrrrry slowwwwwly, and my father is to undergo surgery. So, since I cannot be with either one of them, I will focus my attention on the children. I will torture ... eh, uhm, I mean, educate them. I changed things up a bit here last week, and made a major wall in our home into the school wall. I put up two dry erase boards, our world and US maps, and some posters. I have once again caved to the reality of our life - we homeschool. No one room can contain what is the main focus of our lives. So let us embrace the books, the papers, the various writing implements, the building blocks and math manipulatives, the Lego men ... basically, the mess. And each morning we now begin with math problems on the board. Now, while this may sound "schoolish", it has real value in that it has enabled me to use what the kids are "supposed" to be learning in the texts and apply the concepts in different ways to see that they are mastering the material. Case in point: the oldest twin is using Math-U-See Zeta and Life of Fred: Decimals and Percents. As has happened each year we have been with Math-U-See, I sometimes do not understand Mr. Demme's explanations/methods. And if I have not followed from the beginning close enough, I cannot possibly explain it to my student in his way. So to the board we go for a re-explanation a la Mom. Once she has seen the light, I focus on those types of problems for a bit. Otherwise, the oldest twin will get really down on herself, feel like a failure, and convince herself that math is her nemesis, not her friend. Today's problem was the following:

Jim spent 15% of his $100,000 salary on a new car. He paid 18% sales tax. He also bought new tires for $1200, each. How much did he spend in all? How much money did he have left from his salary?

This one problem required her to use addition, subtraction, and multiplication, and remember how to figure percents. She did it with ease. Just a few minutes each morning focusing on "Mom's Math Problem of the Day" has helped quell her math phobia, and it has really given her confidence that she can indeed do math.

(We also make use of the pictures on the walls in Art and Art Appreciation. We study the artist, the actual picture depicted, and the children attempt to re-create the scene in their art notebooks. They have become quite adept at this. My 8 year-old has used the skills she has learned to draw various items around the house, including the china cabinet and the armoire. It is really amazing to see the lessons in art and drawing take root and blossom.)

Hope Restored ...

Friday was a big meeting with the doctors and therapists caring for Emma. I prepared as if going to trial, ready to defend my daughter's worth, prove her capacity for healing, plead for another chance ... However, it was unnecessary. The dire prognosis bestowed upon her just a few days' prior was apparently unfounded. An apology was issued by the surgeon who shares a much more optimistic outlook of Emma's future. The prognosis was given by a doctor who really was unfamiliar with Emma - and only knew "NEC 4x" to be indicative of failure to feed. It was then shared by two other doctors who jumped on the bandwagon, so to speak, and in doing so crushed the spirit, hope, and faith of this mother. Thankfully, I recovered on all accounts. The team we met with was optimistic that, despite this set-back, Emma will eventually recover and be on her way to full-feeds once again. The surgeon believes there is probably an isolated area of tissue that is diseased and will need to be removed. However, finding that area is not a simple task. He wants to explore her intestines, via a laparoscopic procedure. This is the lesser of two evils presented to us, as the other option involves removing her intestines, laying them out, and investigating. Either way, the reality is, the damage could be within the intestinal wall, and therefore hidden from view. So, as of this moment, surgery, while a very real and probably completely necessary option, is not definite. What is definite is that Emma is alert, her belly is (radiographically) improved, and she has once again weathered a bout of NEC without requiring any respiratory support. I have many more gray hairs, but ... when she lays against me, in the little niche between my chin and my shoulder, and I marvel at how the fit is like a puzzle coming together, it is all worth it - the driving, the worrying, the pain of the unknown. She will join us, she will take her place among our family, she will be here everyday, and I will no longer need to ask a nurse, "How was Emma's day?". Because her day will be with me, and with the other children ... and I will know how it was ... because it will be here, in our home.

Out of the Mouth of Another One of My Babes ...

My children help keep me sane. My sweet little eight year old's note to me today: "Mommy, I love you with all my hate!" (We will continue to focus on spelling.)

I Missed It...

I took a ride up the mountain road today and was suddenly struck by the fact that it is fall. The later part of fall, past the point of the glorious autumnal bursts of colors, colors so beautiful when pitted against the cool blue of the sky it can make you ache inside, an ache of desire to preserve the scene forever. But I missed it this year, just failing to ever look up as I repeatedly traversed that mountain road, fetching the kids following yet another sojourn to Philly. I missed it, as I feverishly ran an errand, impatient to return home, a bit fearful at the possibility of missing a phone call from the hospital. I missed it because life has preoccupied me with ... other concerns. The point is, somehow I missed yet another season, as this particular season of my life has consumed my time, my attention. I remember last fall. How I yelled to the kids to put down their various electronic devices and look, just look!!! , how beautiful nature can be. I remember taking pictures, taking walks, enjoying the briskness of the air, the cool breezes, the beauty of the mountains adorned with so many vibrant colors. I remember feeling so blessed, to be able to share autumn with my children, to have children who can appreciate autumn ... and a walk ... and their mother. Fall is my favorite season. And this year, I missed it.

What if It's the Treatment That is Causing the Sickness ...

I have, on more than one occasion, questioned why I bother with this blog. What started out as a means of chronicling our homeschool journey has evolved into a catharsis of my soul during this trial of faith and strength. But, this week, as the initial ... dumbness slowly ebbed from my mind, and the direness of the situation with Emma took hold, the thought that, somewhere in my mutterings, I may have chronicled something ... some missing piece of the puzzle that might just hold the key to what was happening, what was ... wrong. Because it just does not make sense - Emma thrives for a bit, then hits the proverbial wall. So I read and re-read ... slept a bit and read again. And sure enough, I have documented the trend of Emma to fail each time they supplement her formula with a fortifier. I have copious amounts of notes to bring with me to the hospital tomorrow, in the hopes that the doctors - the revolving-door doctors who may just see "Nec - 4 times" on her chart - might listen to the ramblings of just the mom. It has to be the fortifier. It is there in the chronology. And if it is, then the disease does not exist in my child's intestines, but is being caused by an outside agent, an agent that is not necessary, not vital to her survival. And that, my friends, is much better than the alternative.

When It Is Just Not Meant To Be ...

Emma ... Emma .... Emma is sick ... again. There is a surreal quality to those words, one I just cannot seem to wrap my brain around. How? How is it possible that, for a fourth time, the baby who was so close to coming home is, once again, lying naked on a warming bed, being fed only TPN, and undergoing X-rays and other diagnostic tests round the clock? The prognosis at this point is poor, involving many months of rest for her intestines, one more chance at feeding with the most basic of formulas, and the possibility of a small bowel and liver transplant somewhere around the age of 1 1/2. The doctor speaks of "growing" her, getting her stronger and bigger on the TPN, while resting her bowels, and hoping they regenerate in the months - months - to come.

It is funny - the doctor speaks of "growing'' her and here I was hoping to "raise" her.

The Other Side of the Glass ...

I have just returned from a visit to the hospital. It was during this visit that I realized ... we are on the other side of the glass. It has been 4 1/2 months since I first yearned to be on "the other side", the glass barrier that separates the critically ill babies from the ones progressing towards discharge. 4 1/2 months and a different hospital ... 4 1/2 months of three critical illnesses, countless tests and x-rays and IVs and procedures ... 4 1/2 months of poor prognoses, of "there is still a chance", of lost sleep and sleep that, when it did come, was deeply disturbed - and deeply disturbing ... periods of idleness and others of manic activity, of lost hope and hope clung to in desperation ... of faith ... faith shaken and faith regained. Today, Emma is at full-feeds once again. Tonight, I will hold my breath as we revisit this juncture where she has been twice before - the place where her intestines seem to be taxed to their limit, the place where she has come to only to fail. And I will pray that this time - oh, please, this time - she will not fail. She is off oxygen, there are no IVs penetrating that tiny body save the Broviac catheter that the doctors dare not pull just yet ... There is nothing to keep her from being home by the month's end ... if only she does not fail this time.

They performed an ultrasound on Emma today to ascertain the extent of damage suffered by her liver due to the TPN. I stood near her bedside, trying to busy myself with folding her clothes and tidying her little corner of the ward. But, my eye was drawn to the glass, and what lay on the other side. So many ill babies, so many machines preserving the tiny lives that dwell in the glass enclosures, so few visitors, so many nurses. So many noises - noises punctuated by louder, angrier noises that mean something is amiss, something needs to be attended to right now, someone has a need that, if not met, will mean life no more. My time there is over, and I am so grateful. But the memories ... Oh, the memories are fresh, raw in their intensity. The day they whisked her away in a helicopter, a day I sunk to a low I have never felt before - and hope never to feel again. The eight-day bedside vigil when air was pulsed into her lungs ...lungs so fragile, so damaged the doctors can only describe their healing as "miraculous". The swollen, red body of a baby who existed, but whom I had never really "met", to whom I could only offer comfort through the touch of my finger on her hand ... a hand so small ... a baby so small ... so very, very small, a wedding ring could encircle her tiny wrist ... The train of doctors who have treated her, the faces of the many nurses, faces I know, but names I cannot recall, delicate touches and calming voices more readily come to mind ... a level of expertise and dedication I am eternally grateful for. The one nurse who, seven months pregnant herself, had the presence of mind to discreetly provide me with privacy by bringing a curtain to the bedside as the reality of Emma's condition hit me full force ... (To her, I am forever grateful .) Too much to remember, too much to forget, the paradoxes pervade my brain, resulting in a jumble of emotions, a frenzy of activity at times, juxtaposed against an overwhelming feeling of "I cannot go on". Our lives here will go on - come what may. But life will never be the same. But, in that difference, God willing, we will have Emma ... here where she belongs.