There is a belief in family therapy that, if one person lets go of the reins, there is an automatic shifting of power and control to the other partner. True partnership thrives on this "ying and yang", give and take, the need of one person to just not be at the helm for a while, to be a passenger. I have learned over the years that this only works in strong relationships, where there is true respect between the partners - whether they be spouses, friends, siblings. It all hinges on respect. And if respect is lacking, when the one who has always been accountable, always been the pleaser ... when that one lets go, there will be no one to catch her.
True respect is not about behaving oneself. It is about being able to have different a different viewpoint, and being judged by ones' actions, historically. Life exists on a continuum. We learn over time what others expect of us, our role, and it is not always defined by who we want to be, but rather by what they allow us to be. Sometimes, that role just isn't one we want to play anymore - it never really was what we wanted, it never fit, but it was the only one ever offered, no matter how we tried to fight it.
A time comes when we must live authentically - when we can no longer live by the rules set forth by those we may not even like, try as we might to respect. And so, we fall ...
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