THY will or Thy WILL ...

Sitting in Church on Sunday mornings, while the congregation would recite the Our Father, I wished them to slow down, reflect on the words they were saying. I do not believe it is a prayer through which one should rush. It is deep, meaningful, powerful - possessing many of the attributes we ascribe to God himself.

In particular, the phrase, Thy will be done should not be easily glossed over. I often flinch when it is enunciated, Thy will be done, instead of Thy will be done. Now, I am not a Biblical scholar, but I do believe that phrase is meant to capture our ... yielding to God's ways, God's intentions, God's plan, that which is beyond our understanding and control. In this instance, Emma's very life.

I prayed the Our Father repeatedly yesterday (In English and in Latin, just to cover all my bases), quite possibly the worst single day of my life. (How many times have I said that in the past two months?) And every time I came to Thy will be done, I realized the paradox of the situation - if I truly believed in what I was praying, then there is the very real possibility that His will may, in fact, not be what I want. That is why it is HIS will.

When the direness of Emma's current situation became clear to me, I asked that she be baptized. The Pastor was a wonderful man, warm and understanding, having lost a premie himself. He had also homeschooled his children, and started a small Christian school as an alternative for parents who feel unprepared to homeschool through high school. As he prayed for Emma, he said, "And let us remember, it is Thy will that is to be done ... ." I told him how ironic it was to me that he chose to emphasize that particular phrase, considering all my musings on it during the morning and afternoon hours. I truly felt a fellowship with this man, as though he had indeed been sent to assure me of my belonging in a world I oftentimes feel separate from, of others having walked this path before me and survived - and that it will be HIS will that is to be done, and that this is part of His will, whatever this may be.