The baby is now two hours away - two hours to get there, three hours sitting with her, two hours back. I hate where she is - it is loud, and busy, and crowded, and impersonal. But they claim to be one of the best NICUs, and I have to believe that she is in the best place for her needs right now. But I can hate it ... and I do ... with every fiber of my being ... Hate is a terrible thing. It saps you of energy that can be more useful if directed toward a positive goal. But I have no goal, because it is all out of my control. Her needs are not needs I can meet, and if I allow myself to dwell upon that, I will become filled with a sense of despair - almost as productive an emotion as hate.