Lacking in Deliberateness ...

There is wax in my 8 year-old's ear - I am pretty sure it was there a few days ago. I have yet to clean it out. I did manage to clean the fridge, and even mopped the floors. My blog was hit by some "Photobucket" garbage yesterday, and I managed to clean that up. We are doing school. We eat - not well, but we eat. The laundry situation is not critical. But it is all so disjointed. There is no deliberateness - it is simply an attempt to hold on, while willing time to pass quickly, to get us past this critical period in Emma's life to a point where she can really join the family. I know she is already one of us, but, if I were to be honest, there are periods during the day when I "forget" - I forget to think about her. It comes back in a rush -her existence, her being so far away, the fact that it has been five days since I have been able to go to her. What kind of parent "forgets" that they have a child in the NICU? What kind of parent allows their 8 yo to walk around with noticeable wax in her ear? What kind of parent holds her breath with each phone call to the hospital, wanting the update yet dreading any more bad news? What kind of parent prays it will be safe again - soon - yet, secretly, in those darker moments, wonders if it will ever feel safe again? I really need to go find some Q-tips.